can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
