so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
