I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
