i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
