ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
