turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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