I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
