Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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