Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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