I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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