its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
