I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
