Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
