sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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