final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
