it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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