I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
