please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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