Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
