Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
