just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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