I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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