I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
