We're facebook friends in real life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm always down for nudity.
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