And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize