my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
