Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
