They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
