Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
