she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
