Ketchup is God's man juice
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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