I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
PANTIES FOUND
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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