You can't special order awesome
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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