i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
