She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
