You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
