just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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