:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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