...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
