Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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