i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bring money and cleavage
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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