My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
