you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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