oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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