Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
