She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
