I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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