you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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