The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
