i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
