her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
