Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
