uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
