did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
