I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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