Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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