I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
