He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
