Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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