So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
