plz talk dirty to me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
