I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
