NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
