I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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