Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
