yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
