im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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