God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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