Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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