I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
