I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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