I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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