The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
