And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
