i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
