Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
