god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
